Browse Professor Quotes
You f***ing hypocritical bastard f***heads!
—Professor Onion, quoting Sherman Alexie
Alcohol is a very useful compound because it is readily available and incredibly cheap.
—Professor Thamattoor (aka Das)
CH241 (Organic Chemistry)
I said 'dick' and it's like 9:04am... That doesn't bode well for today.
—Professor Sarah Estow
Why does it get hotter as you go deeper within the earth? Because you are getting closer to HELL!
—Professor Bruce Rueger in Geology 141 lecture on 2/23/04
We need to sit on porches, drink beers, smoke joints and write.
—Professor Paul R. Josephson
The Greek gods' lineage is the most ludicrous family tree I've ever seen--it involves trees... and nuts... and your grandfather becoming your girlfriend...
—Prof Kerill O'Neill, CL133
If it was Hitler vs. Jesus in this election, you'd probably watch the debate.
—Alec Campbell, SO135
The constitution says a lot of things. It's like Duff Man. Duff Man says a lot of things.
—Professor Opal, HI-131
I'm just a fast and dirty kind of guy
—Duncan Tate - PH141
The line of demarcation between most males and puppies is so thin it's not even worth discussing.
—Rick Russo, EN 478
Look, it's so beautiful. And it will be just as beautiful when we fall on our ass tomorrow.
—Professor Peter Harris in reference to ice
Comparing 2000 to 2004 is like comparing 'Leave it to Beaver' to 'Pimp my Ride'
—Professor Tony Corrado, in GO318: Money and Politics, explaining the increase in campaign spending from 2000 to 2004.
Oh, there's all the X-Men. In a way, I'm an X-Man.
—Professor Boylan, talking about superheroes
The short answer is: yes, you should be suspicious of anything Bush and Cheney said.
—Professor Cohen, Philosophy 151
Instead of the Eiffel Tower, they should have built a giant guillotine. Put Jacques Chirac in there and solve all of France's problems
—Professor Simon
But, despite it's resistance to oxidation, we don't use mercury to make jewelry. Because it's a liquid. And it's toxic.
—Professor Katz, CH141
It's either K or W. It's certainly not W. Therefore: vote Kerry!
—Professor Cohen, Philosophy 151
This is an if-you-pick-a-guinea-pig-up-by-its-tail-its-eyes-will-fall-out truth.
—Professor Cohen, Philosophy 151
Strings can be anything: ropes, cords, twine or chains... if you like.
—Professor Duncan Tate PH141
There's nothing better than a little testicle talk at the beginning of class.
—Professor White, SO 298: Genocide and Political Violence (in response to a student's query on whether it is true that Hitler had only one testicle)
I'll make your heart ache Fucker!
—Professor Boylan in the words of the nightingale talking to John Keats
If we didn't have opinions, we'd be stupid. We'd be eating kaka instead of lunch.
—Professor Peter Harris
And the clitoris gets a big thumbs up from me!
—Professor Kreiss, Anat & Phys
Doesn't a bosomy female shaking her booty sell beer?
—Professor Narin van Court, in reference to an old beer commercial
People walk up to Burger King eagerly and say, 'Oh please, give me shit.' I just don't get it.
—Jeff Andersonanthro
“How hot is that?…He died insane you know.”
—Prof. Nuss playing a couple beautiful measures of Schumann on the piano.
It looks like somewhere you would buy pot from!
—Professor Daniel Contreras, commenting on WHOP
When proofs are young, they feel good for a while.
—Professor Ben Mathes, MA161, describing his excitement about a new proof
In fact, reality turns out to be stranger than drugs.
—Professor Jenny Boylan
In order to be a writer you have to be schizophrenic.
—Professor Adrian Blevins
The rocks will talk, just like dead bodies talk. They give you information.
—Prof. Rueger in response to geology and CSI
Not to judge, but that is freakin' horrible...ok, totally to judge.
—Sarah Estow
Well I don't have to teach any classes... Maybe I'll just drink all through January.
—Professor Daniel Contreras
The Bottle and Me maybe you can relate to this one kids...
—Professor Jenny Boylan
Good work!!....by me.
—Alec Campbell, SO 135
Well, it looks like someone got fed up and decided to jump
—Professor Onion, after hearing a large slab of ice fall of the roof
Sometimes I forget that I'm in charge.
—Professor Boylan
How would you guys talk about this poem if I wasn't in the room and you were all sitting around drinking beer???
—Professor Adrian Blevins
ok, so were going to start a raging beer storm now.
—Professor Flemming, ST215: Weather Climate and Society
(In French) Josh, would you accept a menage a trois?
—Professor Paliyenko
Human females are receptive to sex at all times. Biologically at least.
—Jeff Anderson-anthro
on human's lack of estrus cycle
We must fill the stadium, or we will slit our throats!
—Professor Onion
It's really a pretty good poem, for a Victorian.....
—Professor Adrian Blevins
The two faces of Bob's: Which one do you hate more?
—Professor Boylan, in reference to the 2 separate areas of Bob's dining hall
Meditation is like a bullshit furnace.
—Professor Peter Harris
Is that what it's called? It sounds so sexy!
—Professor Simon
Your DNA sucks!!
—Professor Kavaler
And I'll drink a beer for every inning!
—Professor Daniel Contreras, in reference to the Red Sox being in the World Series
The more people consume, of anything, the better off they are
—Professor David Findlay
In geology, that's what we call a bake zone, which is different from the kind of bake zone you're used to. When I was in college, it was three doors down from me.
—Prof. Bruce Rueger, Geology 141
If anyone gives you shit, you should tell them to 'fuck off,' and tell them I said so.
—Professor Campbell SO 352
I'm going to drink a 30-rack and play Halo and grade papers. That sounds like fun!
—Professor Daniel Contreras
I don't have a problem being self-centered and greedy. I have a problem being self-centered, greedy and dumb
—Prof. Denouex (remember- in a french accent)
I think that we do have the urge to just have sex without being attached by feelings. But I think we know that that is bad, we should have sex with people we feel some connection to, and we use alcohol as an excuse to have the sex in the bathroom at a Heights dance. I think that you are really mature if you can have sober sex in the bathroom and deal without the feelings that come along with sex.
—Professor Alec Campbell
Poetry's more important than health.
—Professor Adrian Blevins
I like dates a lot. I don't mean like going out on dates but the historical kind.
—Professor Daniel Contreras
We're going to make Doghead look like an episode of the teletubbies. -Tina Wentzel
—Her introduction to the faculty roast of the seniors at the Theater and Dance Department end-of-year banquet.
He's a crude son of a bitch - Mr. Knott
—Professor David Suchoff, in reference to a character from Samuel Beckett's novel: Watt
Chloral hydrate slows down the processing of alcohol. You buy a six pack of beer and stay drunk forever!
—Professor Thamattoor, Chemistry 242: Organic Chemistry
I made a really fun midterm! Well not in a fun i'll drink 2 beers for every inning of the Red Sox game kind of fun, but still fun.
—Professor Daniel Contreras
If I wanted to know if grade point average is correlated with sex... oh, that didn't sound too good, did it?
—Professor Winn, Psychology 121
On Thursdays, I sometimes get hungry. So I hear there is a Take Your Professor to Lunch program...maybe you could try it. Normally I just sit in my office, eating a sad sandwich.
—Professor Alvaro Lozano-Robledo, MA121, begging for lunch.
Some things you don't do in public; you do them in the privacy of your bedroom. And spelling is one of them.
—Ben Mathes, MA 162
There's nothing like procreation
—Elizabeth Sagaser on Shakespeare's Sonnet #16
Why are you all here, instead of skipping class to enjoy this beautiful weather? Bunch of nerds!
—Prof. Carleen Mandolfo, Religious Studies
I'm a bad boy and this is who I am, boy do I need a spanking.
—Professor Ditmanson, talking about a character from a Ming China story
[About the Mobius strip] Sure, the n vectors cancel each other out, but the fish I catch don't cancel each other out!
—Professor Otto Bretscher in MA302
You can meet all the bison by name, get to know them on an individual basis.
—Professor Webb HI276: Patterns and Processes of World History, refering to the decimation of fauna during the Westward expansion of America.
Just a warning...SOME OF YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!
—Professor Onion, responding to truth statements
One solution is that people like you and me could pay more money. But I can tell you right now that that's not gonna happen because you're not taking any more of my hard earned money for Maisel and Mackenzie.
—Professor Corrado (GO210) on Social Security
So why is the interior of the earth so hot? Cuz HELL is down there!
—Professor Bruce Rueger, Geology 141
Don't walk close to any of the buildings between now and May, because you'll get murdered
—Professor Onion, referring to the snow falling off the roofs of buildings
What divides the men from the boys, is that the men read Jane Austen
—Professor Narin van Court
People get screwed all over the world
—Mike Morgan expressing his displeasure about being screwed.
And it would be great to spend an entire semester in a whorehouse!
—Prof. Joylynn Wing, TD 264, on directing Jean Genet's The Balcony
Marriage is death
—Professor Barrett
Is is fair to say that Mersault is the boyfriend from hell?
—Professor Bob McArthur, referring to The Stranger by Camus
Bring it on! says the soul.
—Professor Peter Harris
It's the beginning of the semester, so the graders are a little slow. I need to get out my...oh...what's it called....cattle prod
—Professor Tate
The rats are going drinking.
—Professor Campbell, AS 151
When in doubt write about sex.
—Professor Adrian Blevins
That Yankee-Red Sox deal really does challenge my post-structuralist insights.
—Elizabeth Sagaser
Back when the water was clean and the sex was dirty.
—Prof. Bilar, CS151, Computer programing
Write 50 or so poems, take 12 hours of driver's ed, and you get your poetic license to be whoever the f--- you want.
—Professor Peter Harris
But today we're going to where things were not directed by committees but by God! Because we're in the middle ages!
—Professor Robert McArthur's opening comment for a lecture on art of the middle ages
There's nothing better than when you have some spare time to go outside, and sneak up on some rocks. Usually they don't bite or runaway. And when you catch one, you can make it your pet.
—Professor Bruce Rueger, on the first day of Geo 141 Lab
Whoa, we could bottle up this room and send it around as eau de culture
—Professor Peter Harris
Thoreau is my dog
—Professor Michael Burke, Environmental Lit
I asked you if you were going to take over after Yassir Arafat and you replied that you are on drugs. That’s probably a fair answer.
—Professor Hatch, during class discussion of current events
And then there are actors like Angelina Jolie who don't care about the historical background. She is somewhat of a .... hard to deal with (cough) bitch
—Lloyd- Guest Speaker who is consultant for new Oliver Stone Movie- Alexander, in Classics Seminar with Yossi Roisman on Alexander the Great
Scrabble is fun! . . . With a few martinis
—Professor Contreras
I hate publishers, they should all be assasinated.
—Professor Roy: EN 348, PostColonial Literature
That's why Erikson's a tool.
—ED Prof. Mark Tappan
Excuse me, but what the hell is she doing in this play?!
—Professor Barrett, in reference to Io in Prometheus Bound